It’s windy outside; kinda going to rain just it didn’t come down yet. My mom was out, leaving to SJ (Seberang Prai). She’s working, as so as my father but I not really sure where he is now, perhaps Bukit Merah. Anyway, the main thing is I was alone, all by myself (well not include my grandma which is sleeping in her room now, so it just like I was alone.). I don’t really know why am I writing all this but I do want to write. Just let say I have someone to talk to (which is my computer rather to myself) so that I wont feel too lonely (or maybe because I’ve been influence by the book that I was reading ‘Life As We Knew it’). It is a nice book anyway, talking bout world which coming to the end and how the writer go through her life in those day (kind like a diary). So, yah, maybe I’ve been influence.
These days
I am bit curious bout what am I going to do in future. What course should I take in university and how am I sure that my parents can afford my expenses and when are we going to buy our baju raya? (It’s July, and there are about few day left to August and Raya is just around the corner and we didn’t prepare anything at all, yet).
Hee, out of talking bout raya, my future is really blurred right now. I don’t know what to do and what to choose so I am definitely in a bad situation. Just now we are been told about the requirement for the intake for a level. At least 5A- in our mid term! I mean mid term? Surely I’m not qualified for the title and t
he cost for the whole complete study is RM24000. Wow! That is a lot. I do mean that (but anyway I’m not qualified so why am I bothering?). But just in case to inform the one who read this (which is me and my computer obviously) would know the amount as I believe wont change to much within these few years.
Anyway I know right now I suppose to be super hardworking and do triple extra of revising which is I didn’t as I was busy enjoying myself and in the same time busy with my emotion which is really scared of the SPM (and that suppose to be more reason for me to study but yet I still didn’t do it). However what more disturbing my emotion is when I realize that some of the teachers look down on me getting super good result? Well, I do know I’m not as good as most of the Chinese student but it shouldn’t be the reason for them to look down on Malay student that way, huh! Anyway of cause there only ‘some’ of the teachers but still it make me sad. Damn serious sad.
Out of that story, I did told my mom about the cost for me to continue study, which worries her so much (that I can saw wrinkle on her forehead).
“ They told me that if we are worry about money then better to take diploma rather than foundation. The foundation itself cost around RM24000 and I still in risk of getting expelled if my grade is not good enough.” I said. “Well, what was in your mind? are u taking diploma or foundations?” Said my mom.
I am honestly don’t know what to choose or what to say. I didn’t make up my mind yet and the reason for me telling her all this (all the stuff that link to university and so whatever) is to hear her opinion. But regardless of that, she is asking me back my choice. Of cause I didn’t tell her that I was waiting for her opinion, as I know she would hand in me all the decision for my life. “It’s your life honey, so do what u think best for u.” I know she don’t want me to bother bout money, but I do know she’s worry. We are not in good position right now, because of some of the reason (which is most of my BFF know and which is too long to talk about, so I decide not to talk it here). Yeah, so that it is also giving me more burdens in choosing my future pathway. However, I know that whatever happens the choice has to be made and in life sometimes we need to sacrifice to be the best and have the best (where I was trying to).
