1 august

The seminar is continued today. The same ‘sir’ but of cause topics that mostly we didn’t learn yesterday. It is not as fun as yesterday but at least we still got a lot of thing. It was a fine day except that I cried. How am I supposed to say, I just can’t stand my own feelings. It is about,…………….. Yea, I really don’t want to talk bout it anymore. Just in case that somebody know what it is, the only thing that I wanted to say bout the person in the story is “I HATE U” I know I shouldn’t but who cares. Talking bout school and life and ‘that case’ that really mess me up, I do really frustrate with my Internet. It’s been months now and it still not working and of cause making me more mad (which what I always do these days).
Everything is getting worst and he didn’t know anything that happens and what I have to face so how can he just say all those nonsense things. I believe my mom had told his mom that we’re having a hard time here. So now why is it have to be a problem??? Do you think that I can just sit back and take everything that u said? U are so annoying and…and I hate u….
Hah, right now do you know what I feel? I wanted to cry but there is no one to calm me, I wanted to tell but I lost someone that used to be my listener. And I miss the time that I was far from here, far from her, far from all this stupid nonsense problems and far from a guy that just know to give excuse to other and I do really hope that all this is just a dream!!!! I hope it was. Do you know how much I miss my life way back there in KL? At least I know I have my own place, my own things my own food and everything there is mine. It not like what I am facing right now, leave in somebody else place, no room for other family when they are here and every thing makes me feel worst. IF u can understand all that and not just put the blame on my place. . IF you’re not just thinking bout yourself and IF, my father didn’t choose this path of life. I’m sure thing wont be this hard. Wont be this complicated.
It’s my last year and look at what I am facing to. It should be the best year ever but it is like walking to a place or year that I shouldn’t go to (like I never wanted). How to focus really? Everything has mess up. EVERYTHING. STUDY? LIFE? FAMILY? TEEN LIFE? SPM? MONEY?!
To be honest I am a weak girl. A damn weak girl, I cried easily, stress easily, love easily, believe easily, and trust people easily. What else?
Sometimes the only thing that I love bout ‘man’ is he always there. Whenever I need him, he’ll be there. Lend me his shoulder when I cried or maybe because it calms me down when I listen to his voice, his words. Everything related to him.
And the reason for putting myself apart from him is just that I don’t want this feeling to change to something that is not wanted by both of us. Friends can be couple but best friends couldn’t. Why not? If you have one (best friend) I am sure you’ll be understand why am I saying this. It’s like a rule. I believe most of us know that rule. (Ones your best friend becoming your boyfriend, he wont be your best friend anymore; ever) and I don’t want us to be that way (but actually this way is making us not even becoming a friend; whatever).
Huh, whatever!
To be honest I don’t know why I am saying all this. Like he (man) will be here when I call his name (hah, dreaming; wont happen ma) and what the hell I am talking bout that ‘guy’, because he wont reading this and even if he did, he wont say sorry but surely will hate me more. Huh,